And Squeeze…One…Two…Three

  Last week we spent five days as a group on a rural visit. First we drove twelve hours west to a rural town called Aliyar where we spent two nights, and then from there drove six or seven hours east to the ancient Chole dynasty capital city of Thanjavur for another two nights.

            At Aliyar, we stayed at a large ashram complex devoted to the followers of a particular type of yoga and belief system. As a group, we didn’t really like the ashram. There were a lot of rules there that we were not made aware of beforehand, such as no shorts for guys and silence whenever possible, and the schedule there was not clear at all. The morning after we arrived, we were told we would have a one hour lecture about the purpose of the ashram, its history, etc. and then a tour would follow, but then that one hour lecture turned into a four hour lecture full of pseudoscience and bullshit. Only half of the group showed up to begin with, and then another half left at the break. I only stayed for the whole thing out of respect for our country coordinators.

            The best part of the lecture was the end, when the central tenant of the ashram was revealed to us. The culmination of four hours of bullshit was the fact that the entire ashram and its practices are centered around squeezing your anus. Yes, squeezing your anus. Apparently, squeezing your anus multiple times a day, in several different positions, is very good for you. We then tried squeezing our anuses in the different positions ourselves while the director of the center, who was giving the lecture, calmly instructed us, “and squeeze…one…two…three…” until the count of ten, at which point we held the squeeze for a short time.

            At least the ashram was located in a very beautiful setting in forest and mountains. The grounds were also full of troupes of monkeys! They actually attacked several students in the group to steal food from them. I managed to see a group of wild peacocks walking in the grounds too.